Don't whistle too loud or you may spook the Ostritch, and whatever you do, don't make eye contact until you hear the password.

 Great job Erika, Brendan and Jeff!!!

Then at about mile 40 Jeff, Niall, myself, a 5th Flr rider (Nick?) were dropped from the group and were chasing to catch back on along with 2 masters riders that we had picked up a few miles back (one being a tough guy with a prosthesis in place of a leg).  We had previous success in chasing back on after getting dropped twice on different climbs already and had a good chance to catch them again by working together (regardless if we were inevitably going to get dropped again on the next climb).  Instead the lead group, about 20-30 seconds ahead of us crested a hill and disappeared at a "T" intersection.  

You may ask,"Why didn't you just follow the cue sheet?" or course signs?

BECAUSE THE PACE CAR GOT US ALL OFF THE COURSE AND WE WERE COMPLETELY LOST.

At that point we DIDN'T KNOW we were off course and so backtracked a few miles where we came thinking we might have missed a cue somewhere.  NOPE.  We didn't run into a single other rider from a chase group or even a different field.  We then realized were FUCKED.

Can you tell I'm pissed off?

5th Flr rider (Nick?) decided to wander around by himself (more on him later) while the two masters racers decided to find their own route back to the finish line.  We Kissenas decided to head back to the start line the shortest possible route.  We got there, spoke to the official, told them what happened, and that was it, that was our race.

Epilogue Part 1: I was waiting around the finish still in my muddy, sweaty kit, because the USAC official kept saying the 4C group was going to finish any minute.  After maybe 30 minutes of them not finishing I said screw it and headed back to the car to change.  On the way there a guy from the 4C field recognized me and congratulated me.  "Oh man you guys were in the winning break!  Who won??"  I told him he was the first 4C rider I saw that crossed the finish on the legit course so he won.  He was really confused.

Epilogue Part 2: Konrad and I stopped at a rest area and ran into the 5th Flr rider who got lost with us (Nick?) who told us that after he split off to find his own way back, he ran into the lead group again and was able to get back on with them.  He was with them the first time they were brought to the finish and ushered back out.  By that time he was rested up, so he was able to finish the impromptu 2nd outing with Brendan's little group.  However the official decided to tack on time penalties for him because he had entered back onto the group, which I think is BS because, guess what, he rode more miles than them by backtracking with Jeff, Niall, and me, and THEN soloed back to the group - no matter how serendipitous that was.

Bonus Kick to Yang's Teeth - My Garmin popped off just before the first climb when I hit a particularly nasty pothole in the dirt road leading up to it.  I waved goodbye to it like Tom Hanks did to his volley ball friend "Wilson" in Castaway.  I will never see it again.

Conclusion: I'm so super extremely happy that Erika and Jeff A. kicked ass.  Huge congratulations and kudos are in order for a job well done on a very difficult course against considerable competition.  However due to the experience we had in the 4 field, I can not encourage others to race this next year.  I drove a round trip of over 500 miles, spent considerable time, money, and effort to get myself and teammates to the race, GOT INTO THE WINNING BREAK, only to be fucked by the official leading car who got us LOST AND THEN ABANDONED US.  Nearly anything else - a mechanical, crash, bonking - would have been acceptable reasons why we received DNFs - but the fact that we could not finish because we were led completely off course is laughably enraging.

The one nice thing the race did: The WD 40 Bike mechanics washed and lubed my bike.  I won't have to spend tomorrow morning doing it myself.

Results

What would be dirt climbs in the dry became mudslides.  I didn't have my GoPro turned on for battery conservation, but at ten miles in there was a vertical face that resulted in numerous dismounts, including my own.  I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get clipped back in, but somehow I was able to and I chased back on.  Heart rate went to 203 if my monitor can be trusted.

Because steering around someone else had forced me to dismount on a climb, I tried to always be on the front on the mud climbs from there on out.  While I didn't have to dismount ever again, I think I spent too much energy this way.

At 44 miles in, the pace car led us to the finish line.  The finish wasn't until 64 miles.  We dismounted, stood around, and spoke to an official.  A guy in a Subaru with plates "BTNKILL" led us out to...somewhere, and we started again.  We ended up doing 74 miles.

Ultimately, I just wasn't ready for the sheer number and pain of these hills.  At some point, I'm not sure where (I know it wasn't Stage Rd), I let a gap open up and that was that...I never got back on.

Did the last ten miles or so with Ryan (who won Grant's Tomb) from 5th Floor, with Chris Pino eventually popping up.  We started passing riders from our field who hadn't been led to the finish line and then led back out.  I think some of them didn't realize this, so one of them started upping the pace and I was all too happy to let him go (even if he crossed the finish ahead of me, he'd finish 40 places behind me).

I let Ryan pull me up Stage Rd. because I knew that I wanted to have legs for the sprint.  As we get onto the flat leading into the finish, another guy from our field, who was in that group that had restarted and who I did have to be concerned about, popped up.  I settled in behind him as he accelerated before the final turn.  He took the turn wide and I dove inside and came out ahead.  Sprinted for longer than I felt comfortable doing for 7th overall but 1st in my little pack.

At one point when I was talking to a race official about our disastrous race, he said that I could have been DQ'd for going off the course.  Wrong attitude.  I sent an e-mail to the race organizers (info@anthemsports?) asking for a waiver for next year or a refund for this year.   I don't expect they'll grant either, but it would be bad business to do nothing.

This was a poor introduction to Battenkill but I do want to do this race again.  However, I'll do something other than laps in the park to train for it.  And I'll definitely go with a mid-compact.  

I have spotty GoPro footage; it only records for 3.3 hours so I tried to conserve it.  Because of the stop halfway and just generally having no idea what was going on, I missed random and massive chunks of the race.  But I did capture the finish.  I'll post the video when I have it.

I won't pretend I'm not disappointed; I thought I could win this race and would hazard to say that some of my teammates thought so too.  I still think I can.  Unfortunately, 2014 wasn't my year.  I did learn a lot though.

It sounds like the experience of Yang, Niall, and Jeff was even more frustrating.  Sorry guys.  I've never seen Yang so visibly disappointed as when I told him I didn't podium.

Thanks to Joacquin, Thierry, Yang, and everyone else who offered me their wheels when mine got destroyed a couple days before the race.