Oct 13, 2014 at 07:37 PM
thanks dave. i found the solution on page 666 of leonard zinn's "Arcane Velocipide Rites of Antiquity." turns out all i had to do was slather the entire frame in ambergris then cold-smoke it with myrrh in the belltower of a fourteenth-century monastery for forty nights. now it's quieter than a mime in a library. can't believe no one suggested it before.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1i5coU-0_Q